Ummm

WoW! It's been awhile...
You're gunna have to wait a little longer my loves.
Just thought I'd let you know... I'm quite well! Still breathing. My body keeps going... limbs are still functional... Wouldn't be typing this to you if i wasn't functioning... unless I'd become some mad nostril typist or hypnotic physcopath who could push buttons with her eye rays! Er...
HAHA... oh dear...

!Anyways!
Approximately: 97 days, 16 hours, 5 minutes, 30 seconds till I fly to the picture on the above... haha... I'm not counting at all....

*Romans 12:2~ "Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."*

Unafraid is what I am...

Well... I have done it! After about well [contemplates: 43-2?+(-3)/2^-43)... 5 or 6 years... i finally went to the dentist. ONLY... and ONLY... because my parentals strongly encouraged me to. OH, and because my tooth hurt so bad that my face hurt, and then my body hurt, and I couldn't eat... for all I knew it could have been so infectious absess pussing in the depths of my jawbone, ready to spread the bird flu to all crevases in my inner body. Thus equalling death!
Anyways!... I went, I saw, I felt, and was healed! Not only of my tooth pain, but of my fear of the dentist!...
Why fear the dentist you crazy's may ask. Well... let me tell you... if you, as a wee child went to the dentist every half year for cleanings, and brushed & flossed your teeth dedicatedtly two, sometimes three or four times a day... and then you go see the dentist to hear him tell you that you're such a good little brusher and that all your hard work has paid off! No cavities... yeah! No fillings... yeah! No more pain!... HAHHAHAHAHA>.. yeah! Not me!
Regardless of my efforts, ever visit I made to the dentist result in the discovery of multiple cavities, and thus multiple visits of pain to get those drilled and filled. One time... I had a good NINE!!!!! What the...?!? I had to make three different appointments for that round... I swear every tooth is filled... Oh wait I had two not filled... hha... cuz I just got a root canal done last week plus two other fillings.! But hours ago I could see the decay of my own teeth flying into the air... hear the drill zinging in my ears... feel the drool dripping down my cheek cuz the nurse didn't sucction fast enough! I-it was....
Grande! And now they tell me that getting my wisdom teeth out is inevitable... and they don't have time to "put me under" before I leave for Auz and thus I have to go Calgary for the surgery with some surgeon I don't know... no Dr. Thompson..... no Dr. Husband! :-(... Fear, creeps back in...
I swear dentist are a fraud... scammers really... out to make money somedays! (Was that really a cavity or was it a speck of pepper... oh another excuse for another filling...)

..Somewhere Inbetween..

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

I can't be losing sleep
over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

~lifehouse

(Feeling quite out of sorts lately... basically feel like I'm gunna pass out every second of my life!
Not sure if it's me getting run down, the exhaustion, the questions, the confusions, the doubts, or all of this plus more balled up into one massive....well.... um..... "ajsadlk-jiuwefnakasdfvm" (?!?)... not even sure!)

Well, guess I'll just keep going... keep living... keep taking one day at a time... keep pushing.... like I always do...

Lord help me... focus on you... focus on what really matters! Focus on what you've called me to! Change the way I think and blind my eyes from the things of this world that take my sigts off of you....

(P.S- 3 months + 3 weeks... i'll be in that picture!!!!)