Unknown.....

UNKNOWN ~ Lifehouse

this doubt is screaming in my face
in this familiar place sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what I know to be real
put away all I know for tonight
and maybe I just might
learn to let it go
take my security from me
and maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are and
faith makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if I do not know how
to figure this thing out

and I am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are and
faith makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust
to get to you

I am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are and
faith makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on

and I am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are and
faith makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

~

This song pretty much sums up exactly where I'm at with life at this very moment!
... Many doubts and concerns have plaged my mind, eating away at me inner being. I feel confused, alone, and lost, when I really don't need to be. Heck I don't even know why I feel this way!

I know I'm still very young and, Lord willing, have alot of life left to live, but I can't help but think: What am I doing? Where am I going? I should really just drop my plans for going to Australia this fall and go to normal school to get a career, find a guy, and make a familly... live a "normal" life! I meen isn't that what I'm supposed to do? According to alot of my friends it is... and I find according to the North American culture it is. But it just doesn't fit with me... right now at least! Don't get me wrong... there is nothing wrong with going away to college right after high school to get a career. But... for me... it's off... I'm torn...

I know one of my passions is to go into nursing.. so I'm thinking... "What the heck! Screw YWAM... I should just go to school for nursing in the fall! "I know" that's what I want to do with my life... so why "waste" the year. Right!?

The other part of me is screaming "missions... radical... GO.... take life one step at a time and let God lead!"

My life is all for Christ though... I've surrendered all I am to him alone! Go where he leads... do what he wants! What if God wants me to remain single for the rest of my life, scooping penguin crap, while ministering to an African colony in Antartica!? But where do I draw the line? Do I sacrifice my dream career? Sacrifice a familly? Sacrifce a husband?... Is there even a line to be drawn? Does anything come in the way of what God wants me to do.... Because what he wants is what I want! It's what my soul yearn and screams for...
(these are just random questions that have popped into my head!...)

Well as you can see... I'm choosing to go where I feel God is leading me! And that is Australia! It's a step of faith for me... like the song says... "and I am falling into grace to the unknown to where you are and faith makes everybody scared it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you"

I don't know! I don't have a thing figure out! God does! I don't need to....I don't know what's gunna happen over there. I don't know what God's gunna teach me, or where he may lead me or how he'll use me... I don't need to know though! God knows! I just need to take that first step and follow where he leads....

All I've got is God... he's the only solid thing I can cling on to... and man am I ever clinging.... bring it on... I'm ready....