hOkay...dokay!
Wow! That last entry was somewhat angry! Sorry about that! I'll counteract that entry with this one of utter bliss!
Well right now I'm pretty much beaming with utter peace and joy. Floating on clouds really!
So yeah....tonight I was officially phoned and accepted for going to Townsville, Australia with YWAM in October.I've been thinking and praying about going for more than a year now, have felt at utter indescribable peace about it from the start and after three months of complications with getting my medical form over... I've finally been officially accepted!
I have felt at utter peace with going all along! These plans I find are becoming less about me, and more about God.
At first it was like: "Wow... Australia.... YWAM... neat! Try a little scuba, harpoon a couple doplhins! Meet some awsome, possibly crazy"christian people," travel, & oh learn about God at the same time! Sounds sweet."
Ummm... how about somewhat selfish and self-centred!
Now it's more like: "What am I really travelling to the otherside of the world for? What is my true honest desire & purpose in going?" Tryed to really examine my heart!
I am now able to answer honestly reply with a: "I'm going because I so desire to find out more of who I am, what I believe, and most of all, who God is, and what it means to live as a believer of Christ! To Know God, and make him known."
BUT! I was open to God saying NO and closing the door to me going. Or so I thought, until something as small as a tiny roadblock or barrier in the application process throws me off, and gets me thinking. Gets me scared really.
I start to panic: What if this really isn't where God wants me? What will I possibly do if I'm not accepted and can't go? (HA... being open are we now Julia?!?)
Then, I once again, start to try and rely on my own knowledge and perception of my own future, and present needs, to try to figure stuff out! Haha... good try!
God's plan for my life far surpass in perfection anything I could ever dream up on my own. I'm only human... I've got the tunnel vision happenin... I can't see the bigger picture, or how perfectly things are intertwined and interconnected! That's God's job! Thus I rely on him for all things..
My one and only heart's desire, is to be exactly where God wants me, doing whatever he wants me to do! I also like to believe that I've surrendered ALL of my hopes, plans, and dreams to follow him alone! It's what I trully desire, but to say I've actually done so, completely, would be a lie.
In so many ways I wish I could see into the future to find out where I'm gunna be in a year or heck, ten years. {Security (?!?)} But in reality I don't want to see into the future. That would take all the fun out of the journey ( I love the chase, the persuit, the questions, the constant wondering, the unexpectedness that life brings!)
To know the future would take alot of the faith and need to rely upon God, out of life! The fact that I don't know exactly where God's taking me at this very moment, makes me cling to him even more for strength and guidance, because he's the only one that does know where I'm going, and has everything I need to get there! He's the only constant in my life right now! Unshakeable and all-knowing! Gosh, where would I be without him?!?...
So Exciting! So confusing... and yet I love it!
Well right now I'm pretty much beaming with utter peace and joy. Floating on clouds really!
So yeah....tonight I was officially phoned and accepted for going to Townsville, Australia with YWAM in October.I've been thinking and praying about going for more than a year now, have felt at utter indescribable peace about it from the start and after three months of complications with getting my medical form over... I've finally been officially accepted!
I have felt at utter peace with going all along! These plans I find are becoming less about me, and more about God.
At first it was like: "Wow... Australia.... YWAM... neat! Try a little scuba, harpoon a couple doplhins! Meet some awsome, possibly crazy"christian people," travel, & oh learn about God at the same time! Sounds sweet."
Ummm... how about somewhat selfish and self-centred!
Now it's more like: "What am I really travelling to the otherside of the world for? What is my true honest desire & purpose in going?" Tryed to really examine my heart!
I am now able to answer honestly reply with a: "I'm going because I so desire to find out more of who I am, what I believe, and most of all, who God is, and what it means to live as a believer of Christ! To Know God, and make him known."
BUT! I was open to God saying NO and closing the door to me going. Or so I thought, until something as small as a tiny roadblock or barrier in the application process throws me off, and gets me thinking. Gets me scared really.
I start to panic: What if this really isn't where God wants me? What will I possibly do if I'm not accepted and can't go? (HA... being open are we now Julia?!?)
Then, I once again, start to try and rely on my own knowledge and perception of my own future, and present needs, to try to figure stuff out! Haha... good try!
God's plan for my life far surpass in perfection anything I could ever dream up on my own. I'm only human... I've got the tunnel vision happenin... I can't see the bigger picture, or how perfectly things are intertwined and interconnected! That's God's job! Thus I rely on him for all things..
My one and only heart's desire, is to be exactly where God wants me, doing whatever he wants me to do! I also like to believe that I've surrendered ALL of my hopes, plans, and dreams to follow him alone! It's what I trully desire, but to say I've actually done so, completely, would be a lie.
In so many ways I wish I could see into the future to find out where I'm gunna be in a year or heck, ten years. {Security (?!?)} But in reality I don't want to see into the future. That would take all the fun out of the journey ( I love the chase, the persuit, the questions, the constant wondering, the unexpectedness that life brings!)
To know the future would take alot of the faith and need to rely upon God, out of life! The fact that I don't know exactly where God's taking me at this very moment, makes me cling to him even more for strength and guidance, because he's the only one that does know where I'm going, and has everything I need to get there! He's the only constant in my life right now! Unshakeable and all-knowing! Gosh, where would I be without him?!?...
So Exciting! So confusing... and yet I love it!
posted by *{-jules-}* at 3:41 PM
3 Comments:
Julia, congrats! I am SO happy for you....you don't need me to warn you about how YWAM ruins you for the regular world (actually, it's not YWAM, it's God, you give him a place in your live to direct you and suddenly the floor comes out) I really am SO excited for you, you have to have me on your e mail list while your there so I know EVERYTHING that's going on EVERYTHING (every breathe you take, every move you make, every single day, every word you say, i'll be watching you...mwahaha). Woah, need to calm down! ANyways, yeah as I said, I'm happy for you.
Let me know what koala bears taste like. I don't think you'd catch a 'roo to cook though.
aww Julia I havn't seen you forever and ever and ever....ha ha !!!
But now I feel like I talked to you a little bit after peeking into your blog!!! I'm not a creep I swear!! But congrats!! I am very excited for you ! and by the way, I absolutly love your tattoo. It's beautiful!! you are so hardcore! hehe anyways much love and i hope to talk to you ssooooon!!
Take care
Post a Comment
<< Home