I dispise...
I have a "dispission!".... I quite hate... loath really... It is "being a bother or annoyance to people."
As a result, alot of the time, when wanting to get to know certain people, I tend to not talk to them. I, in essence, avoid them....skirt around them...
Either that or I'll be all confident and "Hey! How are you!" Then I'll get all awkward, and make an excuse to run away.
Don't want to bother, annoy, trouble people with ... well.... me.
In some cases, it's also because I don't want to be seen as a stalker in talking to a certain someone... (speaking in regards to those few that I have and do take a "special" interest in.)
It's like: "Wow! That's a neat person... kind want to get to know you... oh I know... I won't talk to you and avoid you at all costs! That'll work real good!"
I looked at this tactic... and it could be more detrimental, then good.
I could be seen as some snob. One of those "obviously-too-good-to-talk-to-you"-er's.
But in actual fact its the other way around. I'm a very humble person. I'm just utterly and helplessly intimidated, scared, shy out of my kitten skin to talk to certain people... And most of the time, it's eating me inside because I want so badly to talk to them... get to know them... hear how they are doing... find out where they are at with life.
Then whenever I do shy away... I kick myself for the next week thinking I've ruined any chance I have with that person.
So if I'm acting shy and avoiding you... it's probably NOT because I hate you at all. I'm probably even kicking myself over you and the way I've treated you.
I love people. I love talking to people. Love relationship.... human interaction really.
I'm probably just scared that I'm gunna bother you.
And If I do talk to you fluidly... wonderful... I'm totally comfortable around you and lovin it!
posted by *{-jules-}* at 10:41 PM
2 Comments:
Wow! The idea of you being an annoyance to anyone, that really blows my mind. Now I'm trying to think of a way that someone wouldn't like you and would find you irritating....hmmm....(*shrug shoulders(I really hate those little fears that get in the way of getting to know other people!)), I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me, your someone who has enriched my life...(miss you!)
hey sister! I could just tell you this when you get home, but I'll leave you a message instead. I think its almost inevitable that you'll not be yourself or act awkward around someone you like (or want to 'get to know', whatever). Perhaps it just takes time to be comfortable around them... because after you say or do something stupid around them and realize they didn't run away or avoid you forevermore, you'll be have less fear of screwing up. It takes time i reckon... but its worth it - just get in there and talk to that person... see how it goes. otherwise you'll always be afraid. It may seem easier to leave that 'possibility' of things working out with so-and-so by avoiding them, but unless you start somewhere, thats all it will remain: merely a 'possibility'. it requires risks - and if that person doesn't like you even for something stupid you do, then they're not worth all that worry anyways... :) I understand though. its that catch-22, wishing you could be yourself, but always acting awkward! bah.
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